did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
