I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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