apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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