Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
