dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
