I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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