Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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