Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
