I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
