the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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