please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
