you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
