Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
