Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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