I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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