Can i not drive my cunt home
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
