I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
