Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
