totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
