one two three fourrrrnication!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
