She went from zero to smokin in five shots
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
