im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
