last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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