am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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