if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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