so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
