Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
