Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
