I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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