i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
organizing the empties. That sober.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
