Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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