So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
