your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
