I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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