kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
