you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
