Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Two words: blizzard sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
