bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I will die if light touches me.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
