I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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