3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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