I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
