haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
