I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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