do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
