apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
