We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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