Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
