Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.