I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
