trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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