just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
that is very illegal...i love you.
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