smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
