Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
