She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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