I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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