i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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