haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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