State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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