I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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