Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
