I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
