I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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