Pappa wants mamma naked
Ambien. No doubt about it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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