were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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