Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
did i just pee glitter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
