I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
