Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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