Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
