I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
