There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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