When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
wow bdsm is so cute
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
