Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
